Shaking off the Shackles
It's finally here, the first day of the rest of my life! Technically, I guess I could proclaim that each morning when I wake up. This is a big one though. After thirty some years of working for somebody else, I'm taking leave. No, this is not retirement. I don't like the idea behind 'retirement'. To me, it means, " work yourself hard for most of the good years of your life, and then try to make up for that when you 'retire". That's not my idea of a life well-lived. It's the balance that's important and most folks, like me, struggle to find it. So I'm taking back my life, rolling it into a ball and I'm going to begin re-shaping it to a life that suits me. I'm not entirely sure yet, but I think that has been what my body has been asking of me for 20 years....to live from my center. To honor who I am and what I bring to the table of life, to uncover, unfold and lay it out there; and then live from it. To live right from the center of that self that is open, vulnerable and exposed. What do you bet I'm going to snatch it back from that table and hide it a number of times before I'm ready to just be there? Oh, yes.
So what does this have to do with Chronic (Joy) Pain? Have I been suffering lately? You bet. I would venture to say that whether your pain is in your body, your mind, your emotions or your burdens, most, if not all people, suffer chronic pain. Do they know it? When it's in your body, you can't ignore it. When it shows up as alot of problems and difficulties, it's a lot easier to deny. I'd also venture to say that there is a lot of chronic pain that features the sufferer as the 'victim'. As long as you are the victim, you won't be able to heal it. I can say that, but I'm still learning what that means. It is so easy to be a victim when things go awry. Finding that center, that inner strength is part of the answer. Learning to trust it and to stay with it is the practice. I can say that the last few days of my job, while emotionally tough, have been very calm...deep inside me. It remains to be seen how this will morph in the days to come. It's all mine now, no one to blame or thank but me. Now I can choose, will I be the accused, the victim, the judge and the jury or just an observer?
So what does this have to do with Chronic (Joy) Pain? Have I been suffering lately? You bet. I would venture to say that whether your pain is in your body, your mind, your emotions or your burdens, most, if not all people, suffer chronic pain. Do they know it? When it's in your body, you can't ignore it. When it shows up as alot of problems and difficulties, it's a lot easier to deny. I'd also venture to say that there is a lot of chronic pain that features the sufferer as the 'victim'. As long as you are the victim, you won't be able to heal it. I can say that, but I'm still learning what that means. It is so easy to be a victim when things go awry. Finding that center, that inner strength is part of the answer. Learning to trust it and to stay with it is the practice. I can say that the last few days of my job, while emotionally tough, have been very calm...deep inside me. It remains to be seen how this will morph in the days to come. It's all mine now, no one to blame or thank but me. Now I can choose, will I be the accused, the victim, the judge and the jury or just an observer?
posted by Jeni Hogenson at 11:38 AM
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